To the Mother Who Suffers Through Her Child’s Addiction

Dr. Bectoria Stafford

Women In Discipleship – Blog Post 6

Just like when they were little, you hope with your very being that they will make the right choices

To the Mother who suffers through her child’s addiction, your pain is real. Your agony… cutting.

Every time your child walks out that door, your heart leaves with them. You watch with tender, timid eyes praying that the excuse they gave was real. Just like when they were little, you hope with your very being that they will make the right choices, because you know by now the ugly horrors that await with those choices that are bad.

There are some who do not understand. They will never be haunted by the horrors of your memories or be terrorized by the same fears. They will not have every holiday, every occasion, every… moment, hijacked by the monster that is addiction.

Addiction is not isolated to the one person who falls down its path. It is a long, sad, spiral for every loved one involved. It is the crushing blow of hopes and dreams that are stolen. It is the agony of sickness. It is the shame of defeat.

As much as you want to swoop in and fix it, the siren of codependency rings through your heart and your head. No. You cannot fix this. You cannot force change in a heart that is unable or unwilling to repent. To turn away from the very source of their pain.

You have fulfilled your duty. It is unfair to you and your relationship with God to hold the responsibility of someone else’s actions. Trust God to intervene with His sovereign power.

And no. Trusting God with problems too massive to handle is by no means a “cop out.” Either you trust the Creator of the universe to handle your grief, your worries, your pain… Or you don’t.

Just as Jesus asked the crippled man, “do you want to get well?” He waits once again ever so patiently for the addicted soul to seek Him for change (John 5:6). The very act of repentance is turning away from behaviors that bring hurt, distance from God, and death. To turn away from choices of darkness, the addicted soul can turn toward the light (Acts 3:19). Toward a God in heaven who loves unconditionally, seeks His lost sheep unrelentingly, and forgives without limits (Jeremiah. 31:3; Luke 15:1-7; 1 John 1:9).

God is the ultimate physician (Jeremiah 30:17; Psalms 30:2). He hears your prayers and the pleadings of your heart (Genesis 30:22). He knows a mother’s cry. As the ultimate physician, He can heal the addicted soul. He can bring a peace like no other to the hearts and minds of His children (Isaiah 26:3). The addicted soul need only ask.

So, keep praying for your child. God hears your petition (Philippians 4:6-7). Keep loving like Christ loves you (John 15:12). But remember that as mothers, our children are only entrusted to us (Ezekiel 18:4; Romans 14:8). They ultimately belong to the Father who wove them in the womb (Psalm 139:13). As you pray, entrust your child to their heavenly Father. Pray fervently for the peace and healing only He can give.

Just as God never gives up on His lost sheep, never give up on your child, but remind your heart not to trust in your own abilities. Trust in the power of the One true God (Isaiah 46:10). Then rest in your faith. Know that God hears the passions of your heart and that He is in control. Take comfort in knowing you have put your worries into competent hands.

The Co-Founders

Dr. Elaine Bednar DMIN, LPCC-S, LCDC III

Dr. Bednar is also the founder of Dr. Bednar Counseling, LLC. Her education includes Doctor of Ministry degree from Ashland Theological Seminary. MA in Clinical Pastoral Counseling from Ashland Theological Seminary, and BA from The Ohio State University, with distinction in Psychology. She is a licensed professional clinical counselor and a licensed chemical dependency counselor.

Dr. Bectoria Stafford MSW

Dr. Stafford is also the founder of Dr. Bectoria Stafford, LLC. Her education includes Doctor of Ministry degree from South University, MSW: Eastern Washington University School of Social Work, and a BA: University of Washington, with distinction in Psychology. She is a licensed social worker.

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